Grace

Dear Friend,

First of all, happy belated Halloween! We hope that you all had a fun and safe night last night.

Today's post is, as promised yesterday, about "Grace". Speaking to the etymology of the word, in biblical times, 'grace' meant things similar to God's favor, thanks, and mercy. When Christians sit down for a meal they say grace to give thanks for the meal set before them. More modern interpretations, according to good ol' Merriam-Webster, include "a pleasing appearance or effect", "a charming trait". But what is that trait to which Webster refers? As defined by Kylie and Catherine (we have the authority to define words because Kylie is related to Webster...true fact), grace is the following.

Grace. n.
1. Handling one's self with poise and confidence, staying composed when challenges present themselves, and always wearing one's invisible crown regardless of the situation.

Grace is a wonderful virtue. People who handle themselves with grace are mature, smart, and fabulous. These are the types of people that you would surround yourself with when everything in your world seems to be falling apart. Grace comes naturally to some people, others have to work a little harder. One thing is certain: everyone is capable of grace. Everyone is born with this ability, but if we don't practice grace often, we get into bad habits of freaking out when anything disappointing happens. When things don't go according to plan, many people are absolutely beside themselves. Whether this is something minor, like when the cafeteria doesn't serve pasta on pasta Monday, or something huge like not getting accepted to the college of your dreams, humans hate change. Well, most humans hate change. We actually think that change is good. Without change, life would be mundane, and we would never have opportunities to practice grace. But we digress.

Learning how to handle situations that don't go according to plan takes a lot of patience. As we mentioned yesterday, humans are sort of similar to soda cans. We bottle things up inside of us for as long as we can, so if someone shakes the can for long enough (in this case, if disappointment after disappointment keep happening) we explode. Some people get violent, others throw pity parties for WAY too long. Like many things, grace is a conscious decision. Others get angry when grace does not some to the quickly, but grace takes patience and practice. When something disappointing happens, try not to get too down on yourself. We are not saying you have to be happy if you don't get into your dream school, or smile if you do poorly in a ski race or whatever your challenges happen to be, but there are ways to deal with these situations that don't involve too many tears or emotional breakdowns. Ways to deal with these situations with GRACE. We've laid out a few steps, but please know that these are not solve-all solutions. They do help, however.

First of all, asses the situation. Let's say that you just got back results on something that you thought you would do really well on. Perhaps this is a race, or a test, or something else. Put these results in perspective. Ask yourself:
a) Did I try my best?
b) Is this a life or death situation?

If the answer to the first question is yes, then good on you. If it is no, then ask yourself why. Maybe you have a perfectly valid reason. Maybe you have had to balance too many things lately, and training for that run or studying for that test just wasn't top on your list. Besides the let down of your results, you should be proud of yourself for everything else you have going on in your life. Like someone once said, if you start a race, you are automatically ahead of the people sitting on their couches. Simply because you made the effort makes you awesome. This probably won't make you feel much better after getting the results you didn't want, but it's worth a try.

If the answer to the second question is yes, then we can't really help you with that. If you are disappointed because you just shot someone, than you should stop reading this blog and either turn your self in, or find a really good hiding spot. If the answer to this question is no, it is not life or death, think of all the blessings that you have in your life. If something terrible just happened like a death, or some serious problem, we are not trying to say this isn't important, because we understand that in this moment that whatever is causing you pain happens, one of the worst things someone can tell you is "it's not that bad" because in your life, it is. If you can, try to think happy thoughts. That's all we're saying.

After you have reflected on the situation, take deep breaths. These can be actual breaths, or just in your head. Breath in strength and courage, and breath out all of the negative emotions. What's happened has happened, and all you can do now is learn from your experience, integrate it into your life, and push forward.

Thirdly, hold your head up. You are a strong, wonderful person and you can be anything that you set your mind to. Note, we don't say you can DO anything you set your mind to, because this creates space for more let downs. You probably cannot become the fastest runner ever in the world, or the best mathematician, or even the two most world-famous bloggers (but God knows we keep trying). We aren't trying to be debbie-downers, we're just thinking realistically. But you CAN be anything you want. You can be poised, you can be inspiring, you can be mature, and you can be graceful. These are virtues which come from within. Simply make the decision, and practice, practice, practice until it becomes rooted into your soul. Nothing comes easy without practice, and changing your habits is the same way. However if you hold yourself to a standard of grace in everything you do, pretty soon you will succeed. This change of virtue and habit isn't something that you need to do for other people, but for yourself. However, once you make this mindset commitment, you will find yourself a much more relaxed and happy person who takes challenges and disappointments head on, and isn't perturbed by outside forces trying to shake your soda can until it explodes, hence making you a more likable person. If your life is a book, you are the author, and you are the only one who can make decisions on how you present yourself. Other people might offer suggestions for edits, but you have the final say.

You got this.

We hope that you stuck with us through that whole post. We know that it's long, but hopefully it was worth the read.

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude." -Denis Waitley

Yours truly,
Kylie and Catherine