Choosing Happiness

Dear Friend,

In our life we are forced to make a lot of hard decisions, most of which are not easy or simple. The decisions that we make can have a lasting effect on our character, image, and well-being. Some of these decisions come at a cost as well, even if the over all result is positive. In this post we will outline some of the hardest decisions and choices that we all face on our path to happiness.

First however, we need to talk about happiness. The sort of happiness we are discussing is not that temporary happiness after eating your favorite candy bar. It is the lasting happiness that makes you a better person. The type that gives your confidence and allows you to hold your head high because you made the decision that was right for you, and you feel awesome.

Choosing Happiness: Under Pressure
Lots of times, people that we look up to and consider close friends turn out to not be as supportive as we would like to believe they are. When we are making a tough decision, we can tell our true friends by those who believe in us and stand by us no matter what. This doesn't mean that they can't challenge our decisions to help us, but true friends should never make you do things that you wouldn't do on moral or principle. Lots of times we are pressured to make a choice by friends, classmates, or even society. Friends might pressure you to go to a party you really don't want to go to, classmates pressure you to push yourself as far as you possibly can in order to "succeed", and society pressures us every day to be prettier, skinnier, taller, etc. Not all of these people have bad intentions. Your friend might just want you to have a fun night, but if they really cared about you they would see that you would much rather stay at home with a movie and a bowl of ramen. Classmates challenging you to do better can be beneficial, but when they begin to make you feel guilty for choosing the schedule that was right for you, their pressure becomes negative. We won't even start on society's pressure, as this is a whole post in itself. The bottom line is this: do what is right for you. Make the choice that will bring you the most happiness. Take opinions into account, but use discrepancy to know who's opinion you should really take into consideration, and who is speaking without thinking.

Choosing Happiness: Friends and Family
As we said in our previous post, friends are the family that we choose for our self. For this reason, it is important that we choose our friends wisely. You should always be kind, but remember that it is okay to break from those who aren't good for you. Friends should be people that you surround yourself with because they lift you up to a higher place. If a friend spends all their time bringing other people down, this is only because, metaphorically speaking, the victim of their judgement is higher than them. It is perfectly valid and constructive to ask for help with friendships, but when asking turns to venting which turns to gossiping, this is not a healthy friendship. Friendships should not be based off of tearing other people apart. For this reason, choose friends that will make you HAPPY. Friends that are constantly venting or gossiping or drinking etc. are not good friends to have.

Family is equally important. You don't really have a choice about your family, except who you marry*. Although there are some exceptions, family is that one thing you can't get rid of. At the end of the day, we both know that no matter how bad our life seems, we can still hug our parents and hear them say that everything will be alright in the end because somehow hearing that from your mom or dad makes you believe it. We are both very lucky that we have amazing parents that support our choices of happiness.

Choosing Happiness: Follow your Heart
How do we know what the "right" choice is? Often times this can be tricky. There are some tricks that can help you decide. One we will focus on is called the "Ice Cream Trick". Let's say that it is a hot summer day, and you and a friend go out for ice cream. When you get to the store there are two flavor choices: vanilla and chocolate. The boy working at the store asks you what kind you would like. You are distracted by his stunning eyes and gorgeous smile that at this point you don't really care so you say "surprise me". He hands you over a cone with vanilla ice cream. Once he does this however, you realize that you would really actually like chocolate. This is sort of like what happens in life. We are presented with options but we get distracted by smaller details (the ice cream boy) or other things in our life so we choose an option at random. When we make the "wrong" choice, we are met with that feeling of receiving an ice cream flavor that you didn't realize would disappoint you so much. Although you would have rather had the chocolate, you didn't speak up because you didn't want to look picky in front of the boy. In life, often times people don't speak up for what they want because they are afraid of criticism or they convince themselves that they don't care. Before making decisions, weigh your options. Really immerse yourself in what your life wold be like if you skipped work to go to that party, or took classes you weren't excited about just because "that's what everyone else is doing!" Once you get better at making the choices that feel right, you will soon be making choices that support your happiness. Good luck!

Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response.

Yours truly,
Kylie and Catherine

*Referendum 74 is passing in Washington State with 68% of the votes counted and a 52% approval lead. This means that Kylie's parents can officially get married and she can stop feeling guilty about lying and having to say that yes, her parents have been together as long as all of her friend's parents but no, they cannot be legally married because of government mandate. Congratulations to all of the "civil unions" which will soon change to marriages. So proud.