Think about a time in your life when you've experienced getting hurt. It wasn't exactly fun, now was it? We don't mean to remind you of some terrible situation, but we thought it would be helpful to have a certain experience in mind as you read this post. Whether it was you falling off your bike and scraping your knee or something more complex like being betrayed by someone who you thought cared a lot about you, getting hurt is one of the worst feelings in the world. However, this post focuses on situations similar to the latter- ones that often bring about other negative emotions such as bitterness, confusion, and anger. As humans, one of our most instantaneous and natural reactions is to ignore these feelings and store them away. But why do we keep a bottle of negative thoughts inside of us? For safekeeping? No. It's because we don't want to face our problems and feel vulnerable in the process. Bottling up our feelings is essentially the same as holding grudges- we are afraid to let go. By refusing to let go, we are allowing ourselves to drown in negativity. But problems cannot fix themselves- we need to initiate the process. So how do we do that?
Forgiveness.
This is one of those topics that the two of us are just trying to understand and give another perspective to. So just stick with us and hopefully you'll gain something valuable out of it. When we think of forgiveness, we often think of the phrase "forgive and forget." However, forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness involves reflecting on a challenging problem and learning how to handle it. In fact, if we spend all our time trying to "forget," we will probably end up feeling even more frustrated. We do not have to forget in order to forgive. Forgiveness may mean something different to everyone, so we can't give you an exact definition. However, below are our thoughts on forgiving others as well as ourselves.
Forgiving others
Depending on the situation, forgiving others may happen within a few days or it may take years. However, the longer you wait, the harder it will be to forgive someone because you've had time to dwell on all sorts of scenarios. Just do it- everything happens for a reason. We aren't saying that forgiveness will heal your relationship instantly, but it has the power to open doors to reconciliation. You and that other person will be able to mutually respect each other based off a foundation of forgiveness, which is very important in rebuilding a relationship. You or that person may have "changed" or "grown up," but don't allow that to be an excuse to avoid forgiveness. You just have to give each other a second chance to make things right.
Forgiving yourself
We're sure there have been times in your life where you feel like you aren't good enough. But what exactly does it mean to be "good enough"? This vague phrase can mean a lot of things, but it should relate to you personally. You can't constantly keep comparing yourself to others and live by other people's expectations. Don't let other people influence you to be someone you are not. If there are people in your life who are doing this to you and making you feel bad about yourself, they are not good for you. By spending so much time trying to be "good enough" for them, you are forgetting those in your life who look past your imperfections. Stop shutting out those who already think you are brilliant. This is very important when learning how to forgive yourself. By surrounding yourself with those who lift you higher, you yourself will feel happier and more forgiving. As long as you do your personal best and meet your own goals, that's all that matters.
Forgiveness.
This is one of those topics that the two of us are just trying to understand and give another perspective to. So just stick with us and hopefully you'll gain something valuable out of it. When we think of forgiveness, we often think of the phrase "forgive and forget." However, forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness involves reflecting on a challenging problem and learning how to handle it. In fact, if we spend all our time trying to "forget," we will probably end up feeling even more frustrated. We do not have to forget in order to forgive. Forgiveness may mean something different to everyone, so we can't give you an exact definition. However, below are our thoughts on forgiving others as well as ourselves.
Forgiving others
Depending on the situation, forgiving others may happen within a few days or it may take years. However, the longer you wait, the harder it will be to forgive someone because you've had time to dwell on all sorts of scenarios. Just do it- everything happens for a reason. We aren't saying that forgiveness will heal your relationship instantly, but it has the power to open doors to reconciliation. You and that other person will be able to mutually respect each other based off a foundation of forgiveness, which is very important in rebuilding a relationship. You or that person may have "changed" or "grown up," but don't allow that to be an excuse to avoid forgiveness. You just have to give each other a second chance to make things right.
Forgiving yourself
We're sure there have been times in your life where you feel like you aren't good enough. But what exactly does it mean to be "good enough"? This vague phrase can mean a lot of things, but it should relate to you personally. You can't constantly keep comparing yourself to others and live by other people's expectations. Don't let other people influence you to be someone you are not. If there are people in your life who are doing this to you and making you feel bad about yourself, they are not good for you. By spending so much time trying to be "good enough" for them, you are forgetting those in your life who look past your imperfections. Stop shutting out those who already think you are brilliant. This is very important when learning how to forgive yourself. By surrounding yourself with those who lift you higher, you yourself will feel happier and more forgiving. As long as you do your personal best and meet your own goals, that's all that matters.
Hopefully this post has given you insight on how to handle certain situations in your life. But before we end, we thought we would touch on a topic that goes hand in hand with forgiveness: grace. Sometimes there is absolutely no logical or straightforward reasoning behind forgiveness. But if you are able to forgive those who don't seem to deserve it, we have great admiration for you. You have found grace- and that can lead to healing. We don't want to take up more time writing about grace- we'll save that for tomorrow's post, but just know that your life doesn't have to consist of disappointment, it can be full of compassion and empathy.
Challenge: Think of someone in your life who you aren't on the best terms with and make the effort to make peace with them. Find that person and let them know you still care- simply through forgiveness. If they were important at one point in your life, they are still important today.
"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."- Paul Boese
Yours truly,
Kylie and Catherine
"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."- Paul Boese
Yours truly,
Kylie and Catherine
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